MONKEY BUSINESS 

There once was a tribe who lived on a beautiful tropical island far, far away in the warm Pacific Ocean. Some people called them primitive savages, because they could not read or write, and they had no use at all for money and they did not wear expensive clothes, or jewels or furs. But in fact they were the happiest, most contented people in all the world, because they had everything they needed and everything they wanted.  

They kept pigs and goats and chickens, and they caught fish in the lagoon.  They grew the most delicious vegetables in their little gardens, and in the jungle there was every sort of fruit and nut and flower they could possibly want.  And if anyone ever felt sad, they would go and sit and watch the beautiful birds or the mischievous monkeys that shared the island with them, and that would soon cheer them up again. 

These happy people were known as the Hat Tribe.  It was always very hot and sunny on their island, and except in the jungle there wasn't a lot of shade, so everyone wore big straw hats to keep off the sun's rays.  The Hat Tribe were very proud of their hats, and their King had two hats, one for best and one for every day, and they were the biggest and most beautiful hats that anyone on the island had ever seen.  His wife had made them for him out of plaited straw, with lots of colourful flowers woven in, and they were each as big as an umbrella, and made a wonderfully cool patch of shade for the King to walk in wherever he went. 

One day the Hat People found they had visitors.  A huge sailing ship had come in during the night, and was moored out in the lagoon.  The Hat Tribe liked to see visitors, because they were very friendly people, and they always enjoyed hearing about faraway places, even though none of them ever wanted to leave their beautiful island.   

The Hat Tribe always welcomed visitors by giving them the very best of the flowers and fruit and nuts and fish that the island could provide.  Sometimes the visitors would give gifts to the Hat Tribe too, but they were never very much use, although the Hat Tribe always accepted them politely, and the King would thank the visitors very graciously.  Then after the visitors had gone, the Hat Tribe could usually manage to think of some use for their gifts.  The King's wife used two long rifles as poles to hold up her washing line, and the King's daughter had a necklace made of bright, shiny bullets, which she wore around her neck on special occasions.  Sometimes the visitors gave them books, and I shall leave you to guess what they used the paper for.   

The King asked some of the young men of the island to take him out to the sailing ship in his big canoe, so that he could greet the visitors and invite them to a welcoming feast.  So the young girls of the island decorated the canoe with leaves and flowers, and the King put on his very best hat in honour of the visitors, and the young men paddled out to the sailing ship.    

When the King saw the captain of the sailing ship, he knew that he must be a very important person, because he also wore a very big hat.  It was the sort of hat that is called a tricorne, which is worn by very important sailors, and the captain of the ship was an Admiral, which is a very important sailor indeed.  This tricorne hat was bright blue, with lots of gold braid all over it.  It was shaped like a huge triangle, and it stuck out over the Admiral's ears in a way that looked very comical to the King, although he was much too polite to laugh. 

The King climbed on board the ship, and invited the Admiral and his sailors to come to a feast on the beach that evening. 

'Thank you,' said the Admiral. 'We shall certainly come.  My King thinks that this island would make a very good holiday resort, so we are going to build lots of hotels and restaurants and roads and golf courses all over it, and then the people of your tribe will be able to work for us and earn money to buy all the things that they want.' 

'That is certainly very kind of you,' said the King politely, 'but my people already have all the things that they want.  I shall look forward to seeing you and your sailors at our feast on the beach this evening.' 

'Thank you,' said the Admiral. 'I think that beach would make a very good place for a grand hotel.  We can chop down all those coconut palms and make a big concrete platform on the sands for people to put their deckchairs on.' 

The King was very thoughtful as he went back to the island.  He carefully put away his best hat and put on his second best one, and he asked his wife and all the ladies of the village to prepare a splendid feast for the visitors.  Then he went to find a quiet place on the edge of the jungle where he could think about the Admiral's plans.   

If only, he thought, this island was not the most beautiful place in all the world, then the Admiral would not want to build his hotels and restaurants and roads and golf courses all over it.  But it was the most beautiful place in all the world.  There was nothing to be done about that.   

If only, he thought, there was something that would make the Admiral decide he did not like the island after all.  And just as he thought that, he was suddenly dazzled by the sunlight:  his hat had been snatched off his head!   The King looked up, and saw one of the mischievous monkeys sitting in a coconut tree above his head:  and the monkey was holding his hat.   

'Give it back!' said the King sternly, but the monkey just laughed at him, and put the hat on his own head, and jumped up and down, chattering at him.  The King was already feeling rather cross, because of the Admiral and his plans for the island, and he shook his fist at the monkey.  The monkey shook his fist back at him. 

The King made a horrible face at the monkey.  The monkey made a horrible face at the King. 

'Give it back!' shouted the King.  The monkey chattered back at him. 

The King stamped his foot.  The monkey stamped his foot. 

The King tried to climb the tree.  The monkey climbed higher. 

The King snatched up a stick and threw it at the monkey.  The monkey pulled a branch off the tree, and threw it at the King. 

The King got even more cross, and he grabbed a stone and threw it at the monkey. 

The monkey picked a coconut, and threw it at the King. 

It was no good.  Everything the King did, the monkey copied, and very annoying it was too, and all the while the monkey was wearing his beautiful second best hat, and it was perfectly clear that he was never going to give it back. 

'At least it's only my second best hat,' thought the King. And then he thought, 'I wonder how many hats the Admiral has?' 

He thought about this all the way home, and it gave him an idea to get rid of the Admiral.   

That evening the Admiral and his men rowed over to the island, and walked all around looking to see where they could build their hotels and restaurants and roads and golf courses.   The King explained that his tribe did not want hotels and restaurants and roads and golf courses, but it was quite clear that the Admiral did not care about that. 

'I see there are lots of beautiful tropical birds and monkeys on this island,' said the Admiral. 'We shall catch them and put them all in cages, and then the tourists can pay money to look at them.' 

The King said 'I expect the tourists would enjoy that.  The birds are very beautiful and the monkeys are very amusing.  But I do not think they would be very happy if you put them in cages.'   

'What does it matter if the birds and the monkeys are not happy,' said the Admiral, 'so long as the tourists pay money to look at them?'   

'If you put them in cages,' said the King, 'they will all die.  It is much better to look at them where they are.'  He pointed to the edge of the jungle, where one of the monkeys was sitting in a coconut tree, watching the King and the Admiral. 

'Look over there,' said the King suddenly, pointing in the other direction, and the Admiral turned around.  As he did so, the King snatched the tricorne hat from the Admiral's head, and tossed it up into the tree where the monkey was sitting.  The monkey caught the tricorne hat and put it on his head. 

'Oh dear,' said the King. 'That monkey has stolen your hat.  The monkeys are always stealing things from us, and we can never get them back.' 

'Give it to me!' screamed the Admiral, but the monkey just screamed back at him. 

The Admiral shook his fist.  The monkey shook his fist. 

The Admiral made a horrible face.  The monkey made a horrible face. 

The Admiral stamped his foot.  The monkey stamped his foot. 

The Admiral tried to climb the tree.  The monkey climbed higher. 

The Admiral got very cross, and he snatched up a stick and threw it at the monkey.  The monkey pulled a branch off the tree, and threw it at the Admiral. 

The Admiral grabbed a stone and threw it at the monkey.  The monkey picked a coconut, and threw it at the Admiral. 

It was no good.  Everything the Admiral did, the monkey copied, and very annoying it was too, and all the while the monkey was wearing the Admiral's big blue tricorne hat, and it was perfectly clear that he was never going to give it back. 

The sailors looked at the monkey wearing the Admiral's hat, and they all laughed and laughed, which made the Admiral even more cross. 

'I am afraid the monkeys would steal things from your tourists all the time,' said the King. 'There is nothing to be done about it.  Look, see that other monkey over there.  He is wearing my second best hat.  He stole it from me only this morning, and when he has got tired of wearing it, I expect he will eat it.' 

'EAT IT!' screamed the Admiral. 'Don't tell me he will eat MY hat too!' 

'I'm afraid so,' said the King. 'There is nothing to be done about it.' 

'But I must have my hat!' said the Admiral. 'Every Admiral must always wear his tricorne hat, otherwise the sailors will not do what he tells them.'    

'I expect you have another one on board your ship,' said the King. 

'Yes,' said the Admiral. 'It is my second best hat.  I must go back to my ship immediately and put it on.' 

'I hope you will come back for our welcoming feast this evening,' said the King.  But the sailors were all still laughing at the monkey wearing the Admiral's hat, and the Admiral was afraid they would laugh even more if he sat at the feast wearing his second best hat while the monkey sat up in the coconut tree wearing his best one.   

'You will have to be very careful that the monkeys don't steal your second best hat while you are at the feast,' said the King. 'You would never get it back again.' 

'I cannot take the risk!' said the Admiral. 'I shall not come to your feast.  I have been insulted by that monkey, and I have lost my very best hat, and I shall never never come back here again!' 

And he stormed down to the beach and got into his gig, and the sailors rowed him out to the sailing ship.  The Admiral went to his cabin and got out his second best tricorne hat and put it on.  Then he ordered his sailors to set the sails, and soon the sailing ship vanished over the horizon. 

The King was very pleased that the Admiral had gone away, but he wished he could have his second best hat back again.   

'I will get your hat back for you,' said the King's oldest son.  Everywhere else in the world, the oldest son of a King is called the Crown Prince, but the Hat Tribe did not have crowns, so the oldest son of their King was called the Hat Prince instead, and he wore a hat that was almost as beautiful as the King's. 

'But how can you get it back?' asked the King. 'The monkey will never give it to you, and he is much too fast for you to catch him.  You will never get it back for me.' 

'Yes I will,' said the Hat Prince.  'It is the easiest thing in the world to get it back for you.' 

Then Hat Prince went to the foot of the coconut tree where the monkey was sitting, wearing the King's second best hat. 

'Give it to me!' shouted the Hat Prince, and the monkey chattered back at him. 

The Hat Prince shook his fist.  The monkey shook his fist. 

The Hat Prince made a horrible face.  The monkey made a horrible face. 

The Hat Prince stamped his foot.  The monkey stamped his foot. 

The Hat Prince tried to climb the coconut tree.  The monkey climbed higher. 

The Hat Prince snatched up a stick and threw it at the monkey.  The monkey pulled a branch off the tree, and threw it at the Hat Prince. 

The Hat Prince grabbed a stone and threw it at the monkey.  The monkey picked a coconut, and threw it at the Hat Prince. 

Everything the Hat Prince did, the monkey copied.  So then the Hat Prince pulled his hat off his head and threw it down on the ground:  and of course the monkey pulled the King's hat off his head and threw it down on the ground. 

The Hat Prince picked up the King's hat and gave it back to him.   

The King was very proud of his clever son. 'Can you get the Admiral's hat back as well, my son?' he asked. 'I should like to wear it myself.' 

'No,' said the Hat Prince. 'I cannot get it back for you.' 

'Why not?' asked the King. 

The Hat Prince pointed up into another coconut tree.  

'Because the monkey has just eaten it,' he said. 

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